


An Absence of Memory

by Rachel500



Series: Aftershocks [127]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Friendship, Gen, S7 Aftershocks, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-02
Updated: 2011-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 01:10:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel500/pseuds/Rachel500
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TAG to Revisions</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Absence of Memory

Samantha Carter had zoned out of the debriefing.

Jack O'Neill frowned. She sat beside him, with an apparently attentive expression on her face - one that he knew was faked, gazing across the table at Daniel Jackson who was expounding about the ongoing relocation plans for the refugees from 289 that SG4 were going to oversee. Jack was half-tuned out himself - he'd been at the two Council meetings and the previous debriefing where it had all been decided and agreed, and let his mind wander to what was bugging Carter.

She had been quiet all the way back from the planet. SG1 had handed over the reins to SG4 and made their escape. Relocation would take a couple of days. There was no real urgency since Carter had rigged a naquadah generator to help keep the dome stable for that length of time, plus the Link which had controlled the inhabitants of the dome was under their lead scientist guy's control and had stopped sending people off to die.

Jack could remember seeing her talking with the scientist, Pallan, in the garden when he had taken his brief catalogue of where his team were at. He absolutely refused to acknowledge how his memory conjured up the scene in perfect detail - the holographic sun lightening Carter's blonde hair to the colour of spun gold; the graceful stance as she talked to Pallan seriously about something; the tilt of her head; her hand reaching out to touch Pallan's arm in a way that made Jack's gut ache with a jealousy that he had no right to feel...

He repressed the sigh and dragged his attention back to the debriefing. Daniel was still mid-flow, hands gesticulating wildly in the air, blue eyes bright with passion.

Quel surprise, thought Jack wryly. There was a contentment though humming through his veins at Daniel being Daniel. Just as there had been during the mission when it had occurred to Jack during one of their team huddles that SG1 had finally clicked back into place like...like something clicking back into place. What did click back into place anyway? A jigsaw? Either way, the way that their particular four pieces had all meshed together on the mission was very familiar and weirdly comforting in a way that Jack didn't want to think about too closely. He was just pleased that SG1 was back to its usual rhythm again after Daniel's return from glowy-land.

Not that SG1 had been wrong with Jonas Quinn; it had just been different; different personality; different dynamic; different rhythm. Jack even regretted that Jonas had been dragged back to Kelowna and wondered idly how Jonas was doing. They'd talked briefly when Carter had sent Jonas some instructions on accessing Goa'uld crystals. Their former team-mate looked well; enjoying the science projects they'd assigned to him even if his face had crinkled with tension at every mention of the Joint Ruling Council. Presumably the Council Meetings were stressful and boring. He considered whether Jonas zoned out in them the way Carter was zoned out beside him.

Jack let his eyes slide in her direction. She faced Daniel but her blue eyes gave away the truth; they were unfocused and absent; her thoughts elsewhere. Jack was aware that his chair touched hers. They sat close together. Too close, really. Somehow, he'd slipped back into the habit despite himself. Friends sat close together, Jack thought defiantly and ignored the small voice in his head that pointed out that he was essentially lying to himself.

Not thinking about _that_ , he reminded himself briskly: he was thinking about Carter zoned out.

It was an unusual occurrence. Not unheard of because Carter was human, and God knew some of the meetings they lived through were just too horrendously boring for words. But Carter was usually more attentive than most. Daniel zoning out was usual because once Daniel had said his piece, his brain raced ahead to the next thing it wanted to do regardless that there was still a meeting going on around him. Daniel was the genius kid at the back of the room who couldn't be bothered to listen to lessons because he knew it already; Carter was the genius kid up front who listened anyway because she was too polite not to humour her teachers. And Jack believed _that_ underlying personality difference was one of the reasons why Carter could handle being military. All of which simply underscored how weird it was that Carter had zoned out.

Had Pallan upset her? It had looked like an intense discussion. Or maybe it was just technobabble about the dome but if that were the case, she should have been vibrating with energy like she usually did - eager and earnest to tell them about it.

Daniel stopped talking and Jack forced himself to tune back in momentarily.

General Hammond smiled warmly at the archaeologist and Jack could see the same thought that had gone through his own head zip through Hammond's pale blue eyes; it was good to have Daniel back.

'Major?' Hammond turned to look over in their direction.

There was no indication that Carter had heard him.

Jack shifted subtly as though changing position to ease out his knees, and his chair nudged hers; the movement small enough that Hammond wouldn't notice but enough to snap Carter out of whatever daydream she was engaged in.

Carter seamlessly started reporting as though the momentary pause had been nothing more than a brief second of thought collection.

Jack glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed. Teal'c's dark eyes gazed back at him evenly from across the briefing table. The Jaffa tilted his head in a subtle acknowledgement of Jack's act. Daniel was busily scribbling into a folder. As Jack had expected, Daniel had zoned out with his own report completed and was listening as much to Carter's report as she had listened to his. Yet Jack knew if either were questioned both of them would know exactly what the other one had said. It was one of the reasons why as their CO he really wasn't worried about them paying attention. They had already talked it through with each other; bouncing ideas off their different perspectives and keeping up with each other's intellect in a way only a few people could.

Jack's fingers clenched around the pen he held and he forced himself to take a slow breath. It wasn't jealousy, he thought furiously. Not jealousy so much as envy. He envied that Daniel as a civilian could be friends so easily with Carter. No military protocol to worry about; no inappropriate feeling feelings. It was just a wonderfully platonic friendship. One that Carter had missed enormously in the year that Daniel had been Ascended, leaving Jack and Teal'c trying to fill the void.

His jaw tightened because he'd thought he and Carter had built a solid friendship themselves the past year. Their early relationship had been too hampered by their military ranks, and their awareness of appropriate distance despite the nebulous team bonding stuff, for friendship. And then there had been the whole not-talked-about attraction that had simmered between them. Not talking about it though hadn't prevented the long slide from attraction into caring and a love they couldn't afford; that placed them both at risk when they served on the same team and in the field together. Jack had a mental flash of Carter lying in a hospital bed, machines keeping her alive because he had killed her, and he pushed it out of his head again ruthlessly.

Jack had taken a step back after that; Carter had followed his lead, and the year that had followed had been hell while they'd tried to find the balance between too close and too distant. Jack figured they had just started to work it out when Daniel had gone glowy. Their shared grief over the loss of Daniel had allowed him and Carter to build something beyond the team bond they shared. There was a solid friendship underneath their continued working relationship and Jack's position as her CO. It showed in how Carter had simply accepted his save and hadn't flushed with mortification that Jack had caught her zoned out. Jack didn't want to lose that now Daniel was back.

His chair moved imperceptibly as Carter's bumped it, and it snagged his attention. She was returning the favour, Jack realised with a start - and he looked up from his folder to see Hammond looking back at him expectantly.

Crap.

What had been the question? Had there been a question?

Jack cleared his throat and took a guess. 'Nothing else from me, sir.' He waved his pen vaguely around the table. 'I think Daniel and Carter covered everything.'

Hammond nodded and Jack breathed a silent sigh of relief that he'd guessed right at Hammond's usual invitation to see if Jack wanted to add anything.

'Well, that's a good job, people.' Hammond tapped the table. 'I'll expect your reports by oh-ten-hundred tomorrow. Dismissed.'

Jack recognised the implicit order to go home and rest.

The General pushed his chair back, sending Carter scrabbling to her feet. Jack followed at a more leisurely pace, barely getting upright before Hammond was across the room and closing the door to his office.

Jack turned back and found the space beside him empty. Carter had slipped away. His eyes narrowed at the spiral staircase just behind them which provided a perfect exit. Sneaky. His chest puffed out with pride. He had taught her well. He considered going after her but if he knew her - and he prided himself that he did - he figured he'd find her in her lab, brooding.

He looked across the table. Daniel was still scribbling. Teal'c was looking at Daniel scribbling with fond indulgence. Had Daniel even realised the debrief had ended?

'Daniel.' Jack tossed his pen across the table and hit the other man squarely in the chest.

Daniel didn't even flinch as he continued writing. 'Jack.'

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and got to his feet. The Jaffa made a miniscule bow. 'I am scheduled to depart for the Alpha site with SG5.'

'Have fun.' Jack said. Teal'c was spending whatever time he could with his son, Rya'c, and Jack couldn't blame him.

Teal'c departed and Daniel finally stopped. He scooped up his folder, pushing away from the table and getting to his feet.

They walked in amiable silence to the elevators. Jack pressed the call button and they hovered expectantly in front of the doors.

Jack pushed his hands into his pockets and glanced over at Daniel. 'The house stuff go through OK?'

They'd spent the previous weekend looking for a house for Daniel to buy. It had been a good day; plenty of team bonding...Jack pressed up against Carter in the back of Daniel's small rental car. Daniel had insisted on driving, proclaiming he needed the practice; Teal'c had bagged the passenger seat, and who wanted to argue with the eyebrow? Jack had grumbled once for effect and after that had sat back and enjoyed the enforced closeness with Carter.

'Yeah,' Daniel nodded, 'we close next Friday or the one after.'

Jack nodded. 'Quick.' But then Daniel had the cash from the sale of his apartment after his Ascension. Jack had handed the cheque to him soon after Daniel's memory had returned completely and had smirked at the look of amazement in Daniel's eyes at the amount.

'Suits me.' Daniel admitted, his eyes casting around the SGC, saying without words that he was tired of living on the base.

'You want somewhere to crash until the sale goes through?' Jack offered. He had made the offer a couple of times after Daniel had returned and been cleared to leave the base, but he wasn't really surprised that Daniel hadn't taken him up on it given the issues with memory-loss Daniel had been wrestling with. He wasn't entirely certain he would have agreed to go live with someone he had only just remembered being friends with either.

'Maybe.' Daniel hedged. 'If it doesn't go through this Friday?'

Jack shrugged. It was OK with him or else he wouldn't have made the offer.

The elevator arrived.

'Oh, hey,' Daniel said as they both stepped into the compartment, 'did you talk with General Hammond about Teal'c's, uh, decision?'

Teal'c had decided to he wanted to experience living off the base. He no longer had a Goa'uld symbiote thanks to the tretonin the Tok'ra had developed and the symbiote had been the main reason to keep him confined to the base living quarters.

'Yep.'

'And?' Daniel pressed.

'And it'll take some time for them to make the decision.' Jack said mildly. And for them to argue about it when the inevitable 'no' came back. He and Hammond had already discussed how unlikely it was that the Pentagon and the IOA would agree. Teal'c wasn't human even if he could pass for one.

'Teal'c could live with one of us if they want a trial period.' Daniel suggested, nudging his glasses up his nose. 'I'd be happy to...'

'I said the same thing to Hammond.' Jack noted. 'Only, you know...' he'd be happy to offer Teal'c his spare room instead of Daniel. Jack wasn't surprised by Daniel's offer; the younger man and Teal'c seemed closer since Daniel's return. He was just pleased that Daniel's returned memories of Sha're and her death hadn't caused any issues.

Daniel shifted position, gazing up at the floor indicator. 'So...' his eyes shone with amusement behind the panes of glass. 'Did you pay any attention to the debriefing at all or was it just Sam's part you zoned out on?'

Jack's eyes narrowed.

Daniel smirked back at him.

'Actually, I was wondering why Carter zoned out on you.' Jack said pointedly.

Daniel's eyebrows shot up, disappearing underneath his hairline. 'She did?'

'She did.' Jack confirmed.

There was a crease of worry between Daniel's brows as he considered the question. He evidently came to the same conclusion as Jack - that something had upset her - because his lips twisted anxiously and his gaze darted back up to Jack's. 'You want me to, uh, talk to her?'

It was all Jack could do to swallow the snappish retort that sprang to his lips in denial because before Daniel had Ascended that was exactly what Jack would have wanted Daniel to do.

Jack took a careful breath and shook his head. 'I got it.'

Daniel frowned at him quizzically, and Jack could almost see him assessing the answer, but the elevator slid to a halt and Jack waved Daniel out.

'You're sure you...' Daniel asked hesitantly.

Jack's answer was to press the button to send him back to Carter's floor and smile tightly at Daniel as the elevator doors closed. The urge to say the sentence hovering in his mind out loud though, lingered: _what the hell do you think we did while you were gone?_

Caught up in his musings about Daniel, Jack didn't think about what he was going to say to Carter. He ambled toward her lab and knocked sharply on the door-frame before entering. She was at the central bench, reading a folder of papers she had distributed across the surface. She was half-turned toward the door but she stopped when she registered it was him.

'Sir.'

Jack tried not to think about how his mood automatically brightened at the sight of her smile. 'Hey.' He walked up to join her, rested his hip against the edge of the bench and crossed his arms over his chest. 'What'cha doing?'

'Reading the latest plans for the 'gate diagnostic overhaul.' Sam admitted.

'Really?' Jack grimaced. It didn't sound like much fun to him.

Sam looked at him expectantly. Right. He'd come looking for her so she was expecting him to ask her something or say something. His mind went blank. Maybe, just maybe, he should have practised in the elevator.

'You OK, sir?' Her expression had turned to concern.

Jack waved a hand at her, ignored his own feeling of glee that she cared about him enough to be concerned, and decided to take the opening she'd offered. 'Shouldn't that be my line?' He tilted his head. 'You kind of zoned out there.'

Her blue eyes widened with realisation before they dropped to the documents in front of her. She bit her lip and looked back up. Her eyes were guarded. 'I'm fine, sir.'

'And that would be so much more convincing if I hadn't had to just save your ass in front of Hammond.' Jack's brain caught up with his mouth. Maybe the ass had been a little inappropriate.

Her lips twitched and he was grateful that she thought it funny.

'I thought the, uh, ass saving was mutual, sir.' Her eyes were filled with repressed mirth and Jack had the insane urge to kiss her.

'That's what friends do, right?' Jack said instead.

She dropped her gaze.

'I'm also told that friends talk to each other when something's bothering them.' He said, keeping his tone light and trying not to feel hurt that she'd backed off at his words.

Sam traced the edge of the bench and, for a long moment, he thought she wasn't going to tell him anything before her eyes darted back to his. 'It's nothing really, I just...'

'Just?' prompted Jack.

'Pallan asked me to tell him about his wife Evalla.' Sam explained.

Jack winced. According to Daniel, Evalla had walked out of the dome apparently under the control of the Link computer thing and Pallan's memory of his wife had been erased.

She lifted a hand from the desk. 'It just got me thinking. I mean, he doesn't remember her and yet he's grieving for her and that's so...sad.'

She looked devastated and a part of Jack wanted to offer her a hug. Friends hugged, didn't they? He slid a glance toward the open door.

'And then I started thinking about Daniel and how he had lost his memory, and how he couldn't remember Sha're when we first found him and...' Sam sighed, her fingers absently tracing the edge of the bench. 'And then I was thinking about my Mom, and how little I remember about her now, and how my Dad never really talks about her.'

Jack felt a little dizzy. 'Dad?' That Jacob Carter didn't talk about his late wife, Sam's mother, didn't surprise Jack.

'Yeah.' Sam stared down at her feet again.

OK, so this was why he usually left the friend thing to Daniel, Jack thought ruefully; because he had no idea what to say to that. He took a deep breath and did the only thing that came to mind. 'C'mere.' He reached out and tugged her into his arms before he could question himself.

She hesitated for one heart-stopping moment and then sank against him, her hands shifting to hug him back. Her cheek pressed against the crook of his neck.

They stayed there for a long moment.

Jack enjoyed the press of her against him; the smell of her hair so familiar and comforting; the reassuringly thump of her heart and steady breathing. This was so wrong, Jack berated himself. And yet...it felt so right.

Sam shifted and he let her go as she stepped back. There was a hint of a flush across her cheeks; embarrassment, maybe, Jack mused from allowing him to see her upset or about the hug.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything, to make light of the whole hug thing with his friends justification when his eyes caught on her computer across the lab.

'Hey, isn't that the footage from the 302 training?' He'd gone to Nevada the week before to observe the live fire exercise. It had been a stunning sight to see multiple 302s gliding in and out of Earth's sky as though they were meant to be there.

Sam followed the direction of his gaze and turned back to him with a grin. 'Yes, sir.' She gestured back towards the screen. 'I made it into a screensaver for my computer here at the SGC.'

'Cool.' Jack grinned at her. He wondered if he could get her to put it on his laptop.

There was a beat of silence.

Jack cleared his throat and pointed his thumb back towards the door. 'Well, I should be...' he waved at her, 'you...'

'I'm OK, sir.' Sam replied with an easy smile that assured him she really was. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

Jack nodded and turned back for the door. 'Don't work too hard on your science project, Carter.' He called over his shoulder.

His footsteps were lighter as he made his way back to the elevators. He'd hugged Carter and they'd saved a thousand people from death by computer mind-control. Seemed like a good day's work to Jack.

o-O-o

Jacob Carter wished he could zone out of the interminable Tok'ra Council meeting but his symbiote Selmak was silently fuming at the antics of Delek, a young Tok'ra who was rapidly becoming a dominant voice on the Council. Jacob had learned many things during his time as a Tok'ra host but how to block a silently fuming symbiote out of his own thoughts was not one of them.

 _He's an idiot_ , Selmak said. Her dislike for Delek coated her words with a dripping disdain.

Delek had moved on from what seemed to be a monologue about how the Council would be better if it was smaller - and presumably just him - and was at that moment complaining once again of the deployment of so many of the Tok'ra to the Tau'ri Alpha site. Jacob didn't think his immediate thought of 'just what the fuck is your problem?' would be helpful. He reached for his water glass because it was either that or he was going to say something.

 _It's a shame Daniel Jackson isn't here_ , Selmak mused, _he would have said something scathing and appropriate_.

 _Or Jack_ , Jacob replied. He couldn't see the leader of SG1 remaining silent either although knowing Jack it would be scathing but probably completely inappropriate. His lips twitched into a smile and he hid it by taking a sip of his water as Delek shot him a suspicious look.

 _He'll start in on the Jaffa next_ , Selmak thought sourly. _Delek is nothing if not predictable._

 _Shame Teal'c isn't here,_ Jacob considered. Teal'c wouldn't say anything but he'd look. Or he'd strangle Delek which held a certain appeal right at that moment.

Selmak snorted at the mental image. _I wish I could bring Bra'tac here; he would soon put him in his place._

 _You could be right_ , Jacob soothed. They had become good friends with the older Jaffa and Jacob had a high regard for Bra'tac's intelligence and wisdom.

Jacob let his brown eyes wander around the table and unhappily noted who was nodding along at Delek's speech and who was not. There seemed to be more and more succumbing to Delek's point of view every time the Council met.

 _In the absence of Per'sus, Delek makes a charismatic leader_ , Selmak conceded, _and they are scared._

Anubis had hit the Tok'ra hard the previous year. So many of their bases had fallen; so many of their kind lost. They had grieved for the dead but Anubis had wounded them. The Goa'uld's defeat by the System Lords engineered by the SGC had been too late for many. Per'sus, the High Councillor, seemed beaten. His attendance at Council meetings was becoming rare and it was only a matter of time according to Selmak before someone challenged Per'sus for the position. Neither of them believed Per'sus would fight a challenge which depressed them even more.

Jacob repressed the urge to sigh. Garshaw was away on assignment and would be for some time. While he knew a few others on the Council - and Selmak knew them all - he didn't know them well. He needed to spend more time at the Tok'ra base; build some bridges with the other Tok'ra but he was also needed at the Alpha site and he could admit to himself and Selmak that he preferred it there with the familiarity of the Air Force command and the Tau'ri comforts. Not to mention that occasionally he'd get to see Sam there.

He felt a twinge of guilt.

 _Do not_ , Selmak said firmly _. We are where we are most needed._

 _Are we_ , Jacob countered. _Maybe if we were around a little more, we could help temper some of Delek's prejudices._

 _Perhaps_ , Selmak conceded, _but perhaps not._ _As much as I hate to admit it, as a race we have never played well with others. We are too used to being alone against the Goa'uld. Allying with the Tau'ri and the Jaffa is new. With Anubis's sustained attacks on us, we have sustained many losses and we are facing the most danger we have in a long time. Delek simply voices what many feel. I'm not sure even if we were to return, we could counteract that._

Jacob kept quiet. Selmak knew her people best and her knowledge was his; he felt her certainty as though it was his own. The Tok'ra were suspicious of the Tau'ri and the Jaffa because they were used to working alone. Only working together as they did at the Alpha site would counteract that suspicion; that was why what they were doing there was important. Because both he and Selmak truly believed it was the way forward if the Tok'ra were to survive; if the Goa'uld were to be defeated.

 _So we continue doing what we're doing_ , Jacob determined. He felt Selmak's pleased agreement.

Delek sat down. Another Tok'ra stood to speak, returning the discussion to the agenda point: Ba'al's increasing strength.

Jacob tuned back in to the discussion, allowing Selmak to take control as she responded to a question and added their thoughts to the debate.

The Council meeting ended and Jacob rose smoothly from the table, ready to head back to the Alpha site. He would stop by Bra'tac's tent and see if Teal'c was there, maybe catch up on what was going on with Sam...

'Selmak!' Ba'ray, a mature Tok'ra with a thinning grey hairline and paunchy stomach made his way over to them.

Selmak knew Ba'ray well but they often disagreed especially over the issue of the Jaffa. Jacob only knew him through their minimal interaction during the Council meetings and through Selmak's memory of him. He mentally waved Selmak forward.

'Ba'ray.' She replied lightly.

Ba'ray smiled but there was tension in his face; white lines bracketed his mouth; his blue eyes darted around the emptying chamber warily. 'I wondered if you had time to take tea with me? It's been a while since we sat and caught up.'

Selmak narrowed their gaze on Ba'ray. Clearly the other Tok'ra wanted to discuss something of importance with them. 'I have some time,' she laid a hand on his arm, 'and I have missed Logon's tea.'

Ba'ray smiled at the mention of his host and gestured at the doorway. 'Then perhaps we should...'

'Ba'ray.' Delek said politely from behind Selmak.

Selmak looked over her shoulder at the young Tok'ra. Jacob sighed inwardly. Delek's host, Conor, had a slim build and attractive features that lit up with animation when Conor spoke which was rarely. Delek, by contrast, was expressionless even when impassioned.

 _But then_ , Selmak reminded Jacob, _Delek was trained as one of our very best covert operatives in his youth._

'Delek, Selmak and I were just going for some tea.' Ba'ray said jovially, but Selmak could see the glint of fear in his eyes before he guarded them; hear the nerves that underscored his voice. 'Would you like to join us?'

'I'm afraid I must request your presence for an urgent briefing. Arho will be leaving shortly and I believe you have the best intelligence on the planet where he'll meet his contact.'

Jacob could feel how Selmak had smoothed their expression, revealing nothing of their belief that Delek wanted to prevent Ba'ray from speaking with them.

'Of course, of course.' Ba'ray turned to Selmak with evident regret. 'Perhaps another time, Selmak.'

'I look forward to it.' Selmak said formally.

Delek made a miniscule bow of goodbye and stepped toward the doorway. There was no doubt Ba'ray was expected to follow.

Ba'ray plastered a smile on his face and took a step away from Selmak. He stopped and reached out suddenly, placing a hand on Jacob's shoulder. 'It is good to see you. I confess I missed your counsel at the last meeting, my friend.' He dropped his hand and walked away before Selmak could comment.

 _What did he mean the last meeting_ , Jacob questioned as they stared into the empty space. _I thought we were at the last meeting._

 _So did I,_ Selmak agreed.

 _We couldn't have forgotten a whole meeting, could we_ , Jacob joked lightly. His mind was whirring with what Ba'ray had intended to tell them.

 _No...I mean, no, I..._ and there in Selmak's uncertain stuttering he felt an abrupt blossoming panic and the barrier Selmak had been keeping between them, one that Jacob hadn't even realised existed, broke down. Thoughts cascaded through him in a rush that left him breathless.

She was old...her memory sometimes failed her...she was failing Jacob...aches and pains that she should fix easily but couldn't spare the energy to heal anymore...she was dying...

Jacob staggered back into the seat they had just vacated. He stared sightlessly into the vacant room, his heart pounding loudly.

Selmak was silent in his head and for one brief moment of terror, his chest seizing with a fierce pain, he thought he'd already lost her.

 _I'm here, Jacob_ , Selmak assured him swiftly; _I'm here._ There was a wave of apology and regret. She had meant to break the news to him in a much different way.

 _Dying_ , he questioned her gently, rubbing his head.

 _I'm old, Jacob_ , Selmak sighed. _I have lived a long life for a Tok'ra. It's my time._

The oldest among them; Jacob remembered their first introduction as though it was yesterday. Dying though. He'd thought they would have more time, much more time...

 _Just me,_ Selmak insisted gravely; _my time, Jacob, not yours._

And there in his head was her plan; she would die before her health became critical and save him. Just as the Tok'ra Jolinar had once saved Sam.

 _No._

 _Yes,_ Selmak insisted. _I will not take you with me, Jacob. When you became my host, you did not agree to this._

 _Yes, I did_ , Jacob argued back. _We're together in this. You've already given me more years than I imagined._

 _I will not kill you, Jacob,_ Selmak thought sharply. _I will not do it. I will die and you will live on. You can stay with the Tok'ra or return to Earth; be a grandfather, be a father..._

He knew she meant it. It was her duty to save him, her host. She would not be moved on her plan. But the thought of losing her...of living without her dry wit and lively spark in his head...

 _How long,_ Jacob asked.

 _I do not know,_ Selmak admitted. _A year perhaps less._

 _Perhaps more,_ Jacob countered. _If we take care of you._

 _Perhaps,_ Selmak allowed.

Jacob took a deep breath. He could feel her regret at how he had discovered the secret she had kept from him, guilt that perhaps if she had not stayed so long with Saroosh that she would have had more time with him, but he could also feel her relief that he knew. There would be time to come to terms with her death, Jacob realised; just as the cancer had given him time to come to terms with his before he'd agreed to Sam's crazy plan to become a Tok'ra host. It was so different from the abrupt death of his wife, Kathy and yet so similar in the void that would be left behind. He'd never even told Selmak how he felt about her...

 _I know, Jacob,_ Selmak said softly. _How could I not know?_ She sent an answering wave of love and fondness. _I am not gone yet_.

 _No, you're not_ , Jacob replied, _and we should enjoy our time together, whatever remains of it_.

Selmak agreed.

 _So_ , Jacob pulled their thoughts back to the original question, _there's nothing wrong with my memory and I remember we were definitely here for the last meeting._

 _Unless an emergency meeting occurred and we were not informed,_ Selmak mused. There was a stirring anger. _Ba'ray suspected it; that's why he wanted to talk to us!_

 _Or maybe the message to send for us went astray,_ Jacob suggested pragmatically. _We shouldn't jump to conclusions. Things happen._ _And should you be getting this upset?_

 _I am not a child, Jacob!_ Selmak retorted.

Jacob smiled at her spirit.

 _This amuses you_ , Selmak asked huffily.

 _Dying, my ass,_ Jacob replied.

 _Hmmph._

Jacob stood up and headed for the doorway again. If he had his way, Selmak would be around for a long, long time, because there was no way he was letting her go without a fight. There had to be things they could do to ease things for her. She didn't have to heal every single paper cut, for instance, and maybe she could let him take painkillers when they had a headache.

Selmak sniffed at his thoughts, as they made their way down the crystalline corridor towards the rings. _Hmmm._

 _What,_ Jacob asked. He took position in the centre of the rings and nodded at the Tok'ra at the controls.

 _Does this mean you'll give up coffee for me,_ Selmak asked hopefully.

 _Damn._

o-O-o

'Hold the elevator!' Daniel yelled, hustling down the corridor and trying to keep hold of the stack of papers under his arm.

An arm shot out and held the doors open for him. He leaped inside and breathed a thank you before his eyes widened at the sight of an elevator full of Colonels. His gaze skipped over Dixon, Kirkland and Riley before landing on Jack.

Daniel adjusted his glasses. 'Senior staff meeting?' Military only, he mused.

'Yep.' Jack replied, grumpily, adjusting his stance to try and hide the laptop he carried under his arm.

Daniel hid a smile.

Jack's eyes narrowed on him. 'I thought you were doing the briefing for the group from 289?'

'I am,' Daniel said primly, 'I'm just, uh...'

'Late?' Jack suggested mildly, rocking back on his heels.

Daniel shot him a look. Jack raised a scarred eyebrow.

The elevator doors slid open.

Daniel stepped out with a grateful sigh. 'Have fun!'

Jack smiled at him insincerely and leaned over to press the floor button again. The elevator doors remained open. Jack pressed it again hurriedly and rolled his eyes as the doors finally closed.

Daniel tried not to smirk as he hurried down the corridor and into the conference room. The twenty people gathered there all stopped talking. Daniel made his way to the lectern and dumped his papers onto the wooden surface. He was briefly reminded of lectures he'd performed in the past in academia. He'd always been late and ill-prepared for them too, Daniel thought with amusement as he looked up and met a wall of expectant faces looking back at him.

'Hi,' Daniel began awkwardly. 'Well, firstly, welcome to Earth. You've chosen to remain here rather than live...' he gestured, 'elsewhere.' He smiled brightly.

'As some of you already know, I'm Doctor Daniel Jackson, and I'm going to be giving you a brief overview of Earth culture and what you can expect before you'll be issued with your new documents and, uh, cover stories by your...' he waved at the SGC personnel sitting to one side, 'new liaisons.'

Liaison was a much better term than handler, Daniel thought to himself absently. 'So, OK, let's get started...' he picked up the remote and pressed the button to begin the presentation.

An hour later, the room slowly emptied and Daniel gathered up his papers carefully, considering whether to tackle the translation SG7 had brought back or to hunt out Sam for some coffee and a chat.

'Doctor Jackson.'

Daniel looked up and smiled at Pallan. The tall thin scientist had worked with them on 289 to help inform his people of the truth of the dome's imminent structural collapse and to overcome the computer mind-control that held the people in its sway. 'Pallan. Sam told me you had requested to stay with the Stargate programme and share your knowledge on the dome.'

Pallan smiled tightly back at him. 'I am looking forward to beginning work.' He didn't move or say anything else.

'So, uh, what can I do for you?' Daniel asked, glancing at the handler hovering just behind Pallan.

Pallan fidgeted. 'I spoke with Major Carter about Evalla, my wife, on the planet a couple of days ago.'

Daniel stilled at the mention of the woman he had seen walk out of the dome. 'Ah.'

'I remembered that she mentioned you had spent some time with her.' Pallan hinted heavily.

'Yes.' Daniel admitted reluctantly, despite the compassion bubbling up. 'I did.'

'Would you be able to spare some time to talk with me about her?' Pallan asked bluntly.

Daniel darted a look at the handler again.

The Lieutenant shifted uncomfortably. 'Pallan is scheduled to leave for Area 51 in thirty minutes, Doctor Jackson. Given he will be remaining with the programme, his briefing is...different. I can cover it on the way there.'

'OK.' Daniel gave in gracefully. He motioned at Pallan. 'Why don't we head to my office? It'll give us more privacy.'

The Lieutenant agreed to pick Pallan up from the office, leaving Daniel to lead Pallan through the SGC alone. Daniel closed the door and waved Pallan onto one stool by his central work table before he shoved the papers onto a side bench and pulled up his computer stool, perching awkwardly on the edge.

'I'm not really sure what I can tell you that Sam hasn't.' Daniel said, folding his arms over his chest.

'Anything.' Pallan said eagerly. 'Whatever you can remember.'

Daniel felt a wash of sympathy. He had lost his memory completely. He could still feel the rush of excitement that had flooded through him when he had remembered Sha're's name; that he loved her.

 _'I know her.' The picture was cold and hard in his hand._

 _'Really?' Jack's voice, warm and hopeful behind him._

 _Reality intruded, because Daniel didn't know her right at that moment even if she seemed familiar with her dark curly hair and laughing eyes. 'I mean I must, right?'_

 _'Yeah.'_

 _'Who is she? What's her name?' He was so hungry for information about her; about himself._

 _'You tell me.'_

Daniel dragged himself out of the memory and searched for what he could tell Pallan. He wet his lips and motioned at the scientist.

'We were introduced to you and Evalla after our first meeting with the Council,' Daniel began, 'because of your work with the dome.'

'I remember.' Pallan's face creased with confusion.

'We were about to head back to the garden to pitch a tent,' Daniel paused at the blank look on Pallan's face, 'ah, construct a temporary dwelling which would provide us with cover for the night.'

Pallan nodded.

'And Evalla immediately offered us a bed.' Daniel continued. 'She wouldn't take no for an answer although you mentioned you only had enough room for two of us.'

Pallan frowned unhappily.

Daniel stopped. 'Are you OK?' he winced, recognising how idiotic the question was given the circumstances.

'I remember our first meeting, but it was I who offered you room and...' Pallan trailed off abruptly. He shook his head. 'Major Carter told me the same thing and since then, it's been all I can think about. How can I trust any of my memories? How can I know what the Link may have changed?'

Daniel sighed heavily and adjusted his glasses. 'I know how you must feel...'

'How can you?' Pallan argued, lurching out of his seat to pace. He gestured at Daniel. 'My memory has been altered! Erased! I don't remember my wife!'

'And I didn't remember mine!' Daniel retorted. He took a deep breath and tried not to let the anger that had suddenly bubbled up, erupt. It wasn't Pallan's fault that Daniel had lost his memory when Daniel had returned from Ascension. Dnaiel wasn't even sure if it was anyone's fault. It may well have been something that he had agreed to with Oma.

Pallan stood, staring at him from the other side of the room. 'I don't understand.'

'I recently lost my memory.' Daniel explained, calmly. He crossed his arms tightly across his chest. 'I think I've recovered everything apart from the last year but I don't really know for certain. I mean, it's not like I could remember every single moment of every single day before...but...' he shrugged. 'Actually, it's not the first time I've lost my memory. Although really the last time was more like my memory was just suppressed and another memory put in its place but even that was...' he stopped abruptly, realising Pallan didn't need to know about his previous experiences.

Pallan grimaced contritely. 'I am sorry. I had no idea.'

'Well, there's no reason why you should.' Daniel softened the words with an attempt at a smile.

He sighed and took a step toward Daniel again. 'I just don't know how I'm supposed to mourn a woman I can't even remember?'

'I think it's honourable that you're trying.' Daniel said softly. His eyes drifted to the picture of Sha're across the room.

Pallan followed his gaze and pointed. 'Is that your wife?'

'That's Sha're.' Daniel confirmed. 'She died a few years ago now.' He motioned at the picture. 'When I lost my memory all I had of her was that picture. I had no idea who she was.' He paused. 'I remembered she had died before I remembered our life together.'

'I do not even have a picture.' Pallan commented sadly.

Daniel's head snapped towards the scientist. 'Pictures...pictures...' he gestured at Pallan and jumped off the stool hurriedly. 'Stay here! Just...' he held up both hands, 'stay here!' He ran out of his office and down the corridor to Nyan's office.

The Bedrosian archaeologist had resumed his role as Daniel's research assistant and had taken Daniel's notes, film and anthropology report from the mission to file. Daniel rapped quickly on the door before he entered.

Nyan looked up from his study of an ancient statue. His large plastic goggles gave him an eccentric look despite the plain blue jeans, buttoned up check shirt and white lab coat. 'Daniel!' He smiled. 'You should...'

Daniel waved away the offer immediately. 'Sorry, Nyan. Do you have the file on 289?'

'Of course.' Nyan walked over to his side-table and pulled out a thick blue folder from the stack. 'Here it is.'

'Thank you.' Daniel set it on the central table and flipped through the contents hurriedly. He frowned. There were no pictures.

'Is something wrong?' Nyan's face shone with curiosity.

'The photos aren't here. Has the film I took on the planet been developed yet?' Daniel asked urgently.

Nyan pursed his lips together in contemplation. His eyes widened. 'I think the lab delivered them this morning...' he searched the inbox and held aloft a slim white envelope with a triumphant, 'aha!'

Daniel almost snatched the envelope from him and quickly thumbed through the photos he had taken of the inside of the dome after the Council meeting; Nevin in Jack's uniform...Jack, Sam...Teal'c looking serious...Evalla and Pallan outside their home...

He plucked the last picture from the rest and thrust it all back at Nyan. 'Thanks!' He rushed from the room with an absent-minded promise to explain later. He strode quickly back into his own office and held out the photo to a bemused Pallan.

'I forgot that I took some pictures,' Daniel said with an ironic smile, 'I took this on the planet.' He motioned for Pallan to take it.

Pallan stared at it. His fingers traced over the dark-haired woman who smiled at him in the picture with a wide, loving grin and merriment in her dark eyes. He glanced at his own picture; at the way he smiled back at her, the love in his face. 'I have no memory of this and yet she seems so familiar to me.'

'Perhaps the Link was only able to affect your conscious memory.' Daniel murmured. 'It's possible that you still have some memories buried deep down.'

Pallan nodded. 'She is...was beautiful.' His fingers tightened around the photo. 'She deserves better than to be forgotten.'

'But you haven't forgotten her.' Daniel said kindly. 'You're doing everything you can to remember her.'

'It does not seem like enough.' Pallan murmured.

Daniel slid back onto his stool. 'Evalla was very vivacious. She loved life and she loved you.' He pressed his lips together. 'I think if the Link had offered her a choice of dying so others could live, I think she would have walked out of the dome of her own free will.'

Pallan nodded slowly. 'And how do I live with knowing that I once loved someone so much but that I no longer remember them?'

'I don't know.' Daniel admitted. He folded his arms around his torso. Sometimes he wondered if he had met anyone during his Ascension; if he had loved someone. He didn't think he had but the question lingered in the back of his mind.

'At least I know I loved her and that she loved me.' Pallan acknowledged sadly.

A noise by the door had both men looking towards the open doorway. The Lieutenant looked back at them apologetically.

'I should leave you.' Pallan said.

He made to hand the photo back and Daniel motioned for him to keep it.

'It's yours.' Daniel said.

'Thank you.' Pallan replied. 'Perhaps we will meet again, Doctor Jackson.'

Daniel nodded. He watched as the Lieutenant deftly escorted Pallan out of the office and into the corridor. He listened for some time to their footsteps walking away. He got up slowly and closed the office door. He wandered over to the photo of Sha're and picked it up.

He missed her.

His finger stroked over the image of her face. In hindsight he could see the years between her death and his Ascension were fogged with the grief of losing her. She had known him better than he had thought, Daniel mused, thinking of her last desperate message to him sent through the hand device as Ammonet tried to kill him. Sha're had known that her death would send him spiralling into an uncertainty of purpose; that he would want to leave the SGC. Ultimately Sha're had known he belonged at the SGC, going through the Stargate. Daniel wondered at how long it had taken him to realise the same thing.

He didn't think he had met anyone in the year that he couldn't remember. His grief for Sha're had been too raw when he had Ascended. Still was. He doubted whether he would have pursued anything romantic with anyone. He wasn't ready for something - someone - else in his life and couldn't imagine that he had been when he had been Ascended. That he couldn't remember the past year niggled at him again and he pushed away his discontentment at the absence of his memory.

'I miss you.' He murmured, speaking to the image of Sha're in her native tongue. He set the photo down and walked back to his computer.

He stared blankly at the screen for a long while before he slowly moved and brought up the translation notes for SG7. Work seemed like a perfect escape to him.

o-O-o

'...and now, if anyone is agreed, we'll move onto the next item on the agenda.' Hammond said. He picked up his pen and ticked off the item they had just covered - the fit reps on all current Air Force personnel assigned to the SGC.

Jack smothered the urge to stretch and roll his head to ease out the ache in his neck. He honestly didn't mind these particular meetings but they went on so long that he would swear he could feel his muscles atrophying. He surreptitiously sneaked a look at his laptop instead where the 302s zoomed happily across a blue sky. He pressed his lips together to prevent the grin from forming when he thought about how he'd found his laptop the previous morning in the office he shared with Dixon with a post-it note stuck to it.

' _Took the liberty of loading the screen-saver for you, Carter.'_

It was a great gift. From a friend, his mind pointed out ruthlessly. She had just been grateful for the hug; that's all it was. Jack shouldn't read anything more into it than that. Dixon had been green with envy when he'd seen it and even Kirkland had oohed and aahed at it.

'Colonel.'

Hammond's tone penetrated Jack's head and he glanced at the General startled. 'Sorry, sir, I, uh...' he motioned vaguely with a hand.

Dixon smirked at him across the table. Dave always reminded Jack of Kawalsky; of how Kawalsky could have been if he'd lived long enough to earn his full bird. Just enough bravery to offset the bravado.

'We're discussing the 302 situation, Colonel.' Hammond said mildly. 'You recommended to General Kerrigan that the squadron be sent on Special Forces survivalist training?'

Jack nodded briskly. 'In the absence of off-world training, I think it's the best option. There's always the risk that a 302 will crash land somewhere...'

'Or end up in another galaxy.' Dixon drawled.

Jack tilted his head in agreement. 'Or that.'

'General Kerrigan and I agree with you.' Hammond stated. 'The pilots will be scheduled for the training ASAP.'

'Can't we send them off-world?' Dixon asked.

'The Pentagon is reluctant to send the only trained 302 pilots off-world at this time.' Hammond answered. 'However, once the beta site facility is up and running next year, the next 302 training will take place there and survival training will be included.' He looked down at his notes. 'Major Cameron Mitchell has been recommended by the General as the squadron leader.'

'Highest scores both in the simulator and in the live exercise.' Jack confirmed. 'Good leadership qualities.' His fingers tightened around his pen at the mention of Mitchell. The pilot had been friends with Carter at the Academy and no matter how much Jack tried to ignore it, every time he thought about Mitchell, he couldn't quite help the small pang of jealousy that rippled through him.

'He's a bit of a risk taker.' Kirkland commented, looking down at the briefing folder. The lights bounced off his thinning hairline. Kirkland was older than Jack; he'd been Hammond's XO for the past year. A good man if a little stuffy in Jack's opinion.

'Heck, that's a good thing.' Dixon argued. 'We need someone who's going to take some risks.'

'He got shot down just before he transferred.' Kirkland argued.

'Saving another pilot from getting blown out of the sky.' Riley countered, leaning forward earnestly. His freckles and the pink tinge of sunburn across his nose stuck out starkly in the artificial lights of the briefing room.

'Mitchell was cleared of any inappropriate action during the inquiry.' Hammond confirmed. 'I'm inclined to agree with the recommendation unless there's another objection.' He looked around the group and received nods of agreement. 'Moving on then...'

Jack sneaked another look at his laptop.

'The 303 situation.' Hammond stated loudly.

Jack's attention jerked back to his CO.

'As some of you may be aware Colonel Ronson has requested reassignment once he brings the Prometheus back to Earth.' Hammond informed them crisply. 'Several candidates have been put forward by the Pentagon. Any other candidates should submit their applications ASAP.'

'What's the status on the Prometheus's return?' Riley asked.

'According to Doctor McKay, the ship should be ready within a month.' Hammond reported. 'Colonel Ronson has requested the presence of Major Carter during the flight home.' His eyes flickered to Jack.

Jack shrugged, trying to dismiss his uneasiness at the idea of Carter alone on the Prometheus without the rest of SG1 watching her six. 'I'm not sure why McCoy can't do it, besides Ronson not liking the guy.'

'Besides _anyone_ not liking the guy.' Dixon quipped.

Hammond made a note and nodded. 'The next item on the agenda is open assignments and new deployments.' He picked up a report. 'Colonel Edwards notes that Major Lorne is settling in well to SG11 although, and I quote, 'as a flyboy he doesn't know a hill of beans about naquadah mining.''

Dixon grinned. 'I told Edwards that Lorne would be a good addition. Give him a couple of months under Edwards and he'll be ready for his own team.'

Hammond set aside the report. 'Well, it seems as though we won't be looking for someone else so we'll count that position as filled.' He picked up another folder. 'Major Pierce is being invalided out following the accident on P8X654. Colonel Reynolds is doing well in his temporary position as SG3 leader and I'm confirming his appointment.' He nodded at Kirkland.

Kirkland shifted in his chair. 'Both the leader positions on SG16 and SG17 are open. We have two newly promoted Lieutenant Colonels being assigned: Everett Young and David Telford.' He began to push service record copies out to the group.

'Anyone serve with these guys?' Jack asked.

'I served with Young.' Dixon said. 'Tour of Iraq back when I was a light and he was a Major.' He pressed his lips together. 'He's good with cadets; greenhorns.'

'And Telford?' Hammond inquired, looking around the group.

Riley raised the folder. 'I served in the same squadron two-three years ago? He's a great pilot; good at undercover work.'

'I'm inclined to let these gentlemen choose their own teams from the list of potential transfers.' Hammond said. 'Unless anyone has someone they want to put forward?'

Riley raised his folder again. 'Lieutenant Grogan is ready for a transfer to a SG team.' He glanced at Jack briefly. 'As some of you may know, Grogan was the only survivor of SG9 a couple of years ago. He's been serving on the Alpha site since. He's more than ready to return to a frontline team but he's been rejected to date by five different team leaders.'

'And we have a Lieutenant Ford to assign following the recent training.' Kirkland added.

'Put them on the list for Young and Telford to consider as definite to be assigned to one of their teams.' Hammond ordered. 'Any others?'

They all shook their heads.

'Then I think we're done here, gentlemen.' Hammond ticked off the final item, slapped the folder shut and got to his feet, ignoring the scramble to follow him. 'Colonel O'Neill, if I could have a word? The rest of you are dismissed.'

Dixon shot Jack a sympathetic look as Jack picked up his laptop and made for Hammond's office. The General closed the door and waved Jack into a leather seat in front of the desk.

'Sir?' Jack asked, sitting down gingerly.

'I received word from the Pentagon about the request for Teal'c to live off-world.' Hammond began, sitting down himself with a small huff.

'They didn't go for it.' Jack read the answer in Hammond's pale blue eyes.

'They've referred the matter to the NID.' Hammond sighed. He leaned forward and clasped his hands on top of his desk.

'Great.' Jack leaned back and heard the leather creak under his weight. 'And the NID?'

'Are considering the matter.' Hammond lifted one hand and dropped it again. 'I don't have to tell you how suspicious they are of any alien or non-Earth born human living as part of the general population.'

'But don't they have that new division dealing with all of this kind of stuff?' Jack wondered out loud.

'They do for normal relocations.' Hammond agreed. 'But Teal'c is a special case. His physiology is different, Jack.'

Jack clamped his lips shut. He knew Hammond was right and their side; that his CO was only voicing what would be the main factor in the discussions outside of the SGC.

'You'll inform Teal'c?' Hammond said, reading his sour expression correctly.

Jack nodded. He motioned with his head toward the door. 'If that's all, sir?'

'Dismissed.' Hammond confirmed.

Jack pushed himself out of the chair with one hand, the other clutching onto his laptop. He stowed the laptop before he went in search of his Jaffa team-mate. He found Teal'c in the mess. Jack grabbed a slice of pie along with a mug of coffee and sat down opposite him. He decided not to waste time on pleasantries knowing the Jaffa wouldn't want the news sugar-coated. 'The Pentagon has sent your request to live off base to the NID.'

Teal'c looked up from his afternoon snack of what seemed to be half the food available and inclined his head a little. 'You are upset, O'Neill.'

'Pissed,' agreed Jack, stabbing his fork into his pie. 'You've saved Earth, how many times now?' he held up the fork before Teal'c could answer because he knew Teal'c kept count. 'Metaphorically speaking.'

Teal'c simply stared at him.

'You wouldn't do anything to endanger Earth or the programme.' Jack grumbled. 'The decision should be a slam dunk.'

'I am certain that I will have the opportunity to experience living on your world eventually, O'Neill.' Teal'c picked up a sandwich and took a large bite.

'Well, you shouldn't have to wait.' Jack said around a mouthful of pie. It occurred to him that Teal'c was taking the news much better than he was. He swallowed hurriedly and had to wash down the pie with coffee or choke. He lowered his mug. 'You don't seem too upset at the delay.'

'Earth is not my home and I am used to living on the base.' Teal'c pointed out placidly.

'Yeah.' He murmured in agreement. He frowned, realising for the first time since he had sat down that Daniel and Carter weren't present. 'Where are the others?'

Teal'c lowered his turkey sandwich. 'Major Carter is attending a meeting regarding the diagnostic overhaul scheduled for next week.'

Jack grimaced in sympathy.

'Daniel Jackson expressed a desire to remain working on his translation.' Teal'c stated. He picked up his sandwich again. 'He informed me that he had spoken with the scientist Pallan from P3X289 regarding loss of memory.'

Pallan? The guy who had upset Carter before they left the planet? Jack scowled.

'Their discussion reminded Daniel Jackson that he still is unable to recall events that occurred while he was an Ascended being.' Teal'c continued.

Crap.

That wasn't good. Jack pushed away the rest of his pie, his appetite gone.

'I believe Daniel Jackson is in need of...'

'A hug?' suggested Jack, thinking of the way he'd comforted Carter.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Jack flushed as he realised what he said.

'Never mind.' Jack muttered. 'You were saying?' He gestured at him. 'In need of...'

'Information regarding the year he has lost.' Teal'c paused. 'I informed him of the time he stayed with me following the attack at Kresh'tar.'

Jack sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't mind talking to Daniel about Abydos. Of course there was more Jack couldn't tell Daniel than he could; he couldn't tell him what Daniel had said to Anubis or how that whole deal had gone down except for the crappy result.

And then there was what had happened with Ba'al...

Jack shuddered and pretended he didn't see Teal'c's brow lowering in concern. Jack really didn't want to talk with Daniel about _that_. He couldn't tell Daniel about it; the cell, the torture, the constant dying, Daniel's comforting presence.

But if Daniel needed to talk...

As much as Jack wanted to ignore the whole thing, he knew he should talk with Daniel. He sighed heavily and rubbed his hands through his short hair sending the grey strands into disarray.

'I should...' Jack stood up as Teal'c bowed his head in agreement.

Jack made his way out of the mess. He paced the empty elevator and tried to think of what he would say to Daniel. He wondered briefly if he could just get away with giving the other man a hug; it had worked for Carter. Not that he wanted to hug Daniel but if the alternative was talking...

He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension that had settled there as he made his way to Daniel's office.

It was empty. The light was off and the computer dormant. Jack tapped the central table as he considered his options, spun on his heel and made for Daniel's quarters.

A knock didn't raise any response and Jack used his security card to override the lock and enter. The room was empty.

Jack picked up the phone and dialled the security check-point at the top of the mountain. It took less than two minutes to confirm that Daniel had left the building with a suitcase and had secured the use of a base vehicle.

OK, so Daniel had evidently decided to get out of the mountain for a while, Jack mused. He could understand that. He checked his watch and decided to call it a day. He'd talk with Daniel in the morning.

An hour later, Jack parked his truck in front of his house and contemplated the base car parked on the other side of his driveway. He sighed loudly in the privacy of the truck. He guessed it was back to plan A. He pushed his door open and got out. He was almost at the front door when he heard a sound from the roof. He looked up and caught movement by the telescope he had set up.

He frowned but climbed the ladder to the roof. He found Daniel immediately. The archaeologist was sprawled beside the look-out chair, long denim-clad legs stretched out in front of him, a green parka over his blue checked shirt, staring into the sky and the imminent sunset.

Jack made his way over and sat down. Jack considered Daniel's closed I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it expression with amused exasperation. For a man who often advocated talking, Daniel could be surprisingly tight-lipped when it came to discussing his own issues. Jack figured it was one of the reasons why Daniel had ended up so unhappy before his Ascension; that he'd kept his grief bottled up; his feelings of not making a difference hidden from everyone. If Daniel had talked to them, maybe they could have done something before Daniel had gone glowy. But then Jack knew he wasn't exactly the poster-child for talking about stuff himself so he couldn't complain about Daniel's reticence when he was guilty of it as he was.

All of which meant the silence between them stretched as the last light began to fade behind the horizon sending a wash of pink through the clouds.

Jack heaved a sigh. 'Daniel.'

'I thought I'd take you up on your offer; crash here.' Daniel glanced over at him, his blue eyes wary behind the panes of glass. 'If that's OK?'

'Sure.' Jack traced a finger through the faded fabric of the chair. He could ignore it, his mind whispered; pretend that everything was OK. Jack's lips thinned; he wasn't a coward. 'You want to talk about what's bothering you?'

'Not really.' Daniel shifted, drawing his knees up and leaning forward over them, to clasp his hands in front.

Jack didn't need a body language expert to point out defensive for him. 'Teal'c told me you talked with Pallad.'

'Pallan.' Daniel automatically corrected. He glanced over his shoulder at Jack. 'I'm fine.'

'Teal'c doesn't think so.' Jack said, sacrificing the Jaffa to the need to get Daniel talking to him.

Daniel shot him a knowing look and turned back to the sky.

Jack sighed and tried another tactic. 'Pallan upset Carter the other day.'

Daniel's eyes snapped back to him and Jack kept his face expressionless rather than giving into the urge to smile smugly.

'He upset Sam?' Daniel sounded as angry as Jack had felt.

'She said it wasn't his fault,' Jack said, 'just that he'd asked her about his wife because he couldn't remember her and wanted to know all about her, and Carter was sad about it.'

'Yeah,' Daniel murmured, 'I can relate to that.'

'So you're sad about Pallan?' Jack paused. 'Or are you sad about not remembering the last year of your life?'

Daniel sighed and shifted to rub his forehead. 'Both, maybe.'

Jack didn't say anything for a moment.

'I was wondering if I, uh,' Daniel waved vaguely at the darkening sky, 'met someone as in, you know, _met_ someone.'

Jack's eyebrows shot up. 'When you were glowy?'

Daniel shot him another look.

'Sorry,' Jack held up his hand, 'it's just that...' he waved at him, 'you were, you know, energy.' As in non-corporeal. He waved again. 'My shoe went right through you.'

'It did?' Daniel blinked at him and frowned. 'You threw a shoe at me?'

'Not the point.' Jack snapped.

There was an awkward pause.

Jack sighed again. 'OK, so why do you think you were, you know, with someone?'

'I don't,' Daniel replied, 'I just don't remember.'

'Ah.' Jack wondered when he had lost track of the conversation. He rested his head back on the cushion.

Daniel gave a harsh laugh. 'I'm not sure I want to remember.'

'Why not?'

'Teal'c told me about Kresh'tar.' Daniel said quietly.

'And? So?' Jack pressed.

'I stood by and did nothing while he and Bra'tac...' he stopped abruptly and looked up into the sky.

Jack shifted position restlessly. His mind unwillingly flashed back to Ba'al's cell. He still didn't want to talk about it. He focused on Teal'c's experience. 'You know Fraiser couldn't work out how Teal'c had managed to keep bringing himself to consciousness to transfer the symbiote between him and Bra'tac.'

'And you think I had something to do with it.' Daniel stated.

'Don't you?' He sighed when Daniel remained silent. Teal'c had talked about Kresh'tar. Jack took a deep breath. 'Do you, uh, want me to tell you about...'

'No!' Daniel replied. 'God, no!'

Jack felt relief swamp him and for a moment that's all he could feel; overwhelming relief that rushed through his veins better than any shot of alcohol. He felt giddy.

'Because I did the same thing to you too, didn't I? Just stood by and did nothing.' Daniel said.

Jack sobered up abruptly at the bitterness in Daniel's voice and suddenly the words tumbled out of their own accord. 'Daniel, have you considered that maybe, I don't know, we were just grateful you were there at all?'

Daniel turned to look at him and Jack held his gaze for a second before looking away.

The silence seemed loud; a vast gulf between them. The wind picked up and Jack shivered as it bit through the layers of clothing and chilled his skin.

Daniel sighed eventually. 'Sometimes I think I don't want to remember because if I remember and I didn't help you like you think I did... I'm not sure I'd be able to live with that. But then,' he gave a short, hard laugh, 'I get angry because I don't remember. I wanted to come home so I could save Bra'tac and Rya'c and so I lose a whole year of my life?'

'Maybe it isn't a punishment.' Jack suggested.

Daniel looked at him quizzically.

'You chose to come back right?' Jack pointed out. 'So we know it was your choice. And you said these Ascended beings were originally Ancients? The ones who built the sucky thing that downloaded all their knowledge into my head?'

'You didn't remember what happened to you after the Asgard removed the knowledge.' Daniel realised. 'You think this is the same thing? That I don't remember because I've had the advanced knowledge removed or suppressed to prevent it from overwhelming me?'

'Just a thought.' Jack could see the idea beginning to tick away in Daniel's vast brain.

'You could be right.' Daniel mused out loud.

'It's been known to happen.' Jack said dryly.

A smile pulled at Daniel's lips, giving away his intent before he even opened his mouth. 'You know I don't seem to remember that.'

Jack smiled back, and something loosened in his gut. 'The Pentagon has referred Teal'c's request to live off base to the NID.'

'You're trying to distract me.' Daniel said knowingly.

'Is it working?' Jack asked bluntly.

'Yeah.' Daniel's face screwed up in disgust. 'The NID? Really?'

'I know.'

'Because: really?'

'I know.' Jack shivered again and saw Daniel huddling into his coat. He reached forward and patted Daniel's shoulder. 'Pizza?' he pushed out of the chair and stretched.

Daniel's nose wrinkled as he got to his feet. 'Chinese?'

'OK with me.' Jack turned for the ladder with a grin. 'You're buying.'

'Jack.'

Daniel's quiet word stopped him and Jack looked over his shoulder questioningly.

Daniel gestured. 'Can we call Teal'c and Sam? Invite them over?'

'Sure.' Jack allowed himself a small wry smile as he made his way down the ladder.

Yep, it was good to have Daniel back.

It was good to be the old SG1 again.

fin.


End file.
